A chance meeting with a Buddhist nun on a flight from Bangkok to Delhi in January 2005 was my introduction to the possibility of change through meditation. I was travelling home from a years trip around the world and facing up to the reality that no matter where in the world you run to you can't run away from yourself and your past. Although immersed in this heavy realisation when the meeting with this nun occurred, I still found myself deeply impressed by her. She seemed so awake and calm and this serenity intrigued me enough to ask her a few questions about what a life of meditation entailed.
She told me that she practiced Vipassana meditation, whether sitting or walking, from first thing in the morning to last thing at night. She didn't tell me anything about what Vipassana was and I wasn't exactly sure what it meant to meditate but, as we spent more time together on a stop-over in Bangladesh, I became more and more impressed by her composure, her honesty and her restrained humour.
Buddhist teachings had always been around throughout my life and were a great consolation in difficult times but I hadn't really thought much about it beyond that. Also, I had enjoyed the teachings but had always shied away from any mention of meditation. It did not appeal to me in any shape or form. Until this meeting. Something was stirring deep inside me and I knew I had to learn how to meditate.
So, I asked this nun how I could learn meditation properly and she gave me the name of an organisation which holds 10-day retreat courses all over the world, open to and practiced by people of all faiths. These courses emphasise morality and generosity through requiring certain precepts to be upheld and being run purely on donation basis. I was quietly elated to know that such a thing could exist but doubted very much that there would be a course in Ireland.
The nun and I said our goodbyes in Delhi, I flew home, went on the internet the next morning and found that there was indeed a course in Ireland and it was 15mins from my mother's home in an old Servite Priory I knew very well. There was a course starting there in just three days time, so I rang the organisers, managed to get a place and started the course, just days after hearing about it half way round the world.
It was a difficult but very rewarding ten days. There was much anxiety and pain but also the peace and calm of getting to the other end of anxiety and pain. Basically all we were taught to do was how to observe ourselves. Firstly, we were taught Anapana meditation, which entails concentrating on the breath in order to focus the mind. Then we were taught the Vipassana technique - a shift of focus from the breath to the whole body and the sensations experienced on it. At the end of the course, there was a brief introduction to Metta or 'loving-kindness' meditation, which is a wonderfully healing technique after exploring a lot of difficult mental and physical experience.
When we started the Vipassana, which means 'to see things as they really are', I understood why I had shied away from the mention of meditation for all those years. It really is facing up to yourself with no running away and I couldn't possibly have done that all those years ago. I was now ready for it and took to the whole thing like a duck to water. It was very liberating to be in such a safe environment and spend this valuable time unravelling the knots that had twisted me up for years.
Since the initial course I have completed many more courses, I meditate every day and am happier than I ever thought possible. So much solidity has disintegrated within me, knots have untangled and frozen tears have been shed. I understand myself better every day and possess a peace I couldn't have even imagined before.
The first few retreats I did were mainly focussed on dealing with the sexual abuse I suffered growing up. I truly believe that if it wasn't for the teachings, supportive environment and silence on these retreats I never would have been able to start the deep healing process that has completely transformed my life and means that I am no longer a victim of my unfortunate upbringing. I would, however, add that I have met some people who have had very difficult experiences at these courses. I would encourage anyone for whom it doesn't suit to try other retreats such as those run at Gaia House or one of the monasteries mentioned below and then go back and try the 10day retreats again.
Vipassana meditation is taught all over the world. It is taught in prisons, schools, the fields of health, drug rehabilitation, business management and education. It has transformed my life in a very positive way and I would highly recommend it to anyone seriously wishing to lead a peaceful life.
I have deepened my practice of Vipassana and Metta meditation further through doing different retreats in the same tradition and by spending time in the Buddhist monasteries of Amaravati and Cittaviveka and Gaia House Meditation Centre in England. It has been wonderful to see how awareness coupled with loving-kindness can transform every day into an opportunity to better understand oneself and expand the heart. Through this practice all that we are not is dissolved to leave behind our true nature - the calm, compassionate and unshakable.
I hope you have found my story of some benefit and wish you much clarity and courage in your lives.
Joy and love, Aoife '09
