A chance meeting with a western Buddhist nun on a flight from Bangkok to Delhi was my introduction to the possibility of change through meditation. I was travelling home from a years trip around the world, during which I had found myself facing up to the reality that no matter where in the world you run to you will always run into yourself. I was immersed in this monumental realisation when the meeting with this nun occurred, and quite distracted, but still found myself deeply impressed by her. She seemed so awake and calm. I was very cynical back then but her serenity intrigued me enough to ask a few questions about what a life of meditation entailed.
She told me she practiced vipassana meditation every day, whether sitting or walking, and her whole life was centred on meditation. This sounded faintly appealing to me but also a million miles away from my stressful existence. In the presence of this nun I was becoming more and more aware of just how far from serenity I really was. I had a serene enough veneer but inside was pretty dark and solid. It felt like I'd been running my whole life and nothing was ever changing or getting resolved. Things were getting progressively more difficult and my burden was getting heavier by the day. The patterns of behaviour set down in an abusive past were continuing to play out in my adulthood and I was really fed up with it.
So, I asked her how I could learn meditation properly and she gave me the name of an organisation run by SN Goenka, a Burmese-born Indian, which holds 10-day retreat courses all over the world, open to and practiced by people of all faiths. These courses emphasise morality and generosity through requiring certain precepts to be upheld and being run purely on donation basis.
The nun and I said our goodbyes in Delhi, I flew home, went on the internet the next morning and found that the only course in Ireland was 15mins from my home in an old Servite Priory I knew very well. There was a course starting there in just three days time so I rang the organisers, managed to get a place and started the course three days later.
It was a difficult ten days. I was filled with anxiety and pain. The first few days I couldn’t even keep my eyes closed – I had to keep checking there was nothing funny going on. But when, on the fourth day, we were taught the vipassana technique, I knew that I had found a way out of all that pain. It was still far from easy but at least now I could see a light at the end of the tunnel - and had a good shovel!
Since this initial course I have completed many more courses, I meditate every day and am happier than I ever thought possible. So much solidity has disintegrated within me, knots have untangled and frozen tears have been shed. I now understand myself better and possess a peace I couldn't have even imagined before. I find it truly amazing that I managed to live so many years in such terrible pain.
This technique of meditation is taught in prisons all over the world. It is also taught in schools and the fields of health, drug rehabilitation, business management and education. It has transformed my life in a very positive way and I would highly recommend it to anyone seriously wishing to lead a peaceful life.
I have deepened my practice of vipassana and metta (loving-kindness) meditation further through spending time in both the Buddhist monasteries of Amaravati and Cittaviveka and Gaia House Meditation Centre in England. It has been wonderful to see how awareness coupled with loving-kindness can transform every day into an opportunity to better understand oneself and expand the heart. Through this practice all that we are not is dissolved to leave behind our true nature - the calm, compassionate and unshakable.
I hope you have found my story of some benefit and wish you much clarity and courage in your lives.
Aoife 2008